I want to have your abortion
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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