how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
