My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
