If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
