I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
