He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
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i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
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If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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