no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
