I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
