Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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