I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
