so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
