Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
