I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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