seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
