we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
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hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
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Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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