No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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