Having a random hookup so left but love u
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
