best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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