Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
