Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
