Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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