Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize