Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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