I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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