i woke up with socks on this morning
i didnt wear socks last night
she woke up with a sticky ear
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
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the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
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I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok