i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
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He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
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Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.