Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
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But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
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Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.