So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
my poor anus
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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