so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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