his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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