When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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