I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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