I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
