Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
