so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Randomize
