You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
