so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm just crazy horny about you
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
