Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
