If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
