the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.