she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
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Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work