Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
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I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
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She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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