about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
