Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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