I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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