speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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