Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Randomize
