on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
