pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
This baby is an asshole
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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