I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
