My liver just broke up with me...
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
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