maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
