And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
