dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
