Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
