Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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