I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
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