I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
