Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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