You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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