please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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