You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
