I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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