What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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