why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Who wears a wallet chain?!
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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