When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
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