the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize