What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
