I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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