i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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