I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
